My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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