So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My pussy is not your playground.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
