My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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