he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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