i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
tell me about the eggs
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
