Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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