Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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