I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
