Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
