I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
