i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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