I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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