Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
