hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
