what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
