i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
