I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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