Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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