How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize