Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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