It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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