so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
