Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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