It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
