Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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