"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
