I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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