I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
