we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
