Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize