It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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