I think I died a long time ago.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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