New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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