Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
