Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
