You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize