I wish I could teleport
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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