Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
