I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
