I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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