I can't watch pbs sober anymore
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
