I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
