Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
