I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
