I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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