i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
