I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
