I heard we made out
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
