Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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