He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
