i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
