if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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