I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
