NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
