I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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