Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
