The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
