I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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