dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
