I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
