and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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