If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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