At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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