I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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