Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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