I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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