Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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