I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
